The Scallion is proud to have received and/or paid for the following awards and accolades:
Sexiest News Source Alive! – People
Highest in Customer Distraction – J.D. Power and Associates
Best Girl-on-Girl Investigative Reporting – Adult Video News
Most Likely to Deceive – Oakdale High, Class of ‘59
Best Bathroom Read – Progressive Toilet
“Satan’s little helper.” – Christianity Today
One of the Top Ten News Publications Named After an Allium Genus Vegetable – Fine Gardening
Most “404 - Page Not Found” Errors – PC World
“Swashbuckling! Spine-tingling! A non-stop rollercoaster ride!” – Acme Movie Review
While fans feast on the “smorgasbord of specious specials” served up by this “piquant” publication, critics call the “deeply superficial” fare “thin gruel” that leaves an “acerbic aftertaste.” “Cheeky, chunky” bites and “dishy delights” have some readers “hungering for more,” but others “gag” on the “dupe du jour” and find the “morsels of mendacity” “hard to swallow.”
– Zagat Survey
“Eschewing the deleterious indeterminacy and meta-relativism that has marginalized much of the heuristic movement toward international comity, The Scallion postulates a intertextual modality and semiotic paradigm that transcends the strictures imposed by a patriarchal, post-industrial society. Transgressive in form and transformative in function, The Scallion exemplifies a heterodox profundity and discursive spaciality that Derrida and Foucault could not have imagined in their wildest deconstructionist dreams.”
– Modern Language Association
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